There are some things I am sure of. I love my family, friends and fur babies. I know my age….trust me do I know that! I know that I need a vacation. I also know that God has called me to write. I have written things for years, but lost the desire many years ago. This is the year that I have been called to it. God has opened doors that I know would have never been opened on my own. He has also shut a few doors that I wished He wouldn’t have. But I know and trust that He will guide me. He has led me to write 3 articles that are coming out in the next few weeks on different outlets. He has led me to become involved in around 20 launch teams, to not only learn, but to celebrate other writers for the work they have and are doing. I have joined a group to help me to learn to become a better writer. The reason I write all of this is that I want to remember who is in charge of it all. God had placed this dream in my heart since I was a child. My love for books has been a constant, except through and for a time after nursing school. I have been through a lot in my life that I know can help other people to not feel alone. This is how I learned that I was never alone. Being able to share my experiences in this life has brought meaning and has helped me to discover my path. It is not always easy to share things, but I know that I have experienced the redemptive power of God in my life. It has brought me to a place of feeling joy, becoming brave and learning how to be a warrior.
Lying here thinking about Mother’s Day brings about lots of emotions and thoughts. One thought is something I shared in a previous blog about never being able to get pregnant and knowing that I will not get to become a mother. That is something I have had to deal with over the last 4 years since my partial hysterectomy took place. I am surrounded by so many kids and have found my place as an aunt to them. And I love them as if they were my own. I also get to be a fur baby mama and I will take it. God knows what He has in store for me and I rest in that. The other thoughts are that my mother and grandmother aren’t here. They haven’t been for 5 and 4 years. My relationship with my mom was a roller coaster that had more lows as an adult and highs as a child. My grandmother was a constant in both my childhood and adult life. She was my rock. She was there on the day I had my partial hysterectomy and the numerous procedures and discussions before and after that. She emulated the way a relationship with Jesus should be. She read her Bible and did her devotionals everyday until she just couldn’t because she wasn’t able to stay awake anymore. I miss her. I got to do so many things with her and I love looking back and thinking of those fun times. She was my best friend. God knew what He was doing even when I didn’t. He brought me back to Him through her getting cancer and getting to spend quality time with her during her last 9 weeks of life. I was with her every evening except for 1 or 2. I thank God everyday for that time because we shared so many things.
Now I deal with the feelings that come every year when people tell you happy Mother’s Day and don’t realize that it breaks your heart a little each time. They don’t mean anything by it, but it still hurts. This is not one of those “cry for me” post but I want to share about how awesome God is in every situation. He truly knows what is best for us even if we have no clue. Trust that He catches every tear and acknowledges the pain that is felt. Lean into Him and He will comfort you through all your storms and your triumphs.